I'm a Baby!

Friday night nagka-boyfriend ako. Sunday night break na kami.

Pucha! Mas matindi pa yata epekto sa'kin kapag hindi ako nakakainom! Meron akong self-imposed alcohol ban for the whole month of April in preparation for an upcoming race. Pero gumigimik pa rin ako. At sa isang gimik sa Malate nagsimula ang aking experiene-na-panglaseng...(Tunununununu <==== fairy music na ginagamit sa mga TV show kapag may flashback)

Una sa lahat hindi ko talaga feel ang Bed as compared to Government. 'Yan ang aking unpopular answer sa quintessential question ng mga gimikerong bading. Experience tells me kasi na hindi ako mabenta sa Bed. Sa Government, parang prime commodity ang feeling ko. Pero that Saturday night, bumawi ang Bed sa'kin. Pagpasok ko pa lang, meron nang cutie boy na nag-smile at kumausap sa'kin. Nakipaglandian lang ako saglit tapos sumiksik na'ko sa dancefloor. After a few hours of dancing, ready to leave, merong guy na sumisiksik papunta sa direksyon ko. Mukhang cute naman. Nang tumapat siya sa'kin, I did the classic "slight hawak sa bewang." Huminto siya. Tumingin sa'kin at yumakap. At nangyari na sa'kin finally ang all-too-often-heard gay fairy tale that begins with "We met at Bed."

Strictly speaking, Sunday morning na kami nagkakilala. I thought he was sweet and cute. And he said I looked like Marco Alcaraz. Talk about chemistry! Anyway, sabay kami umuwi pero dinaan ko lang siya somewhere. Sunday night we went out for coffee. OK naman kami.

What followed was a weeklong landian sa text. At ang numerous palitan ng Mwah's and Baby's were interrupted by a mystery texter. Justin daw name niya at may nag-business card lang daw ng number ko. Immediately, I was suspicious and I immediately asked my boylet if he knew this Justin guy. He denied. So naki-ride on na rin ako sa kalandian ng Justin na'to whom I felt was either my boylet pretending to be somebody else, or my boylet's friend. Parang test kumbaga. Thursday night sinabi nga niyang siya nga si Justin. Medyo nairita ako kasi sabi ko he didn't have to do that kasi hindi naman ako nagsisinungaling and if there are things that he wanted to know all he had to do was ask. (Note na ang haba ng sentence na'yon. Read it without pausing to breathe and you'd know kung paano ko 'to dineliver). Pero umiral ang damdaming nakyutan ako sa kanya.

Friday night, niyaya ko siyang makipag-dinner with my Powerbarkada (a very bold gesture, indeed, considering the last guy I introduced to my mala-kara-perfekta friends was my first boyfriend nu'ng kami na). After dinner, niyaya ako ni boylet sa Malate. Friday night. Again, strictly speaking, Saturday morning na'yon. 2:14am (Valentine's!) on both our parents' wedding anniversary date, naging kami. Witness pa si Ate Lily na waitress sa New York Cafe. Bakit? It just felt right.

And then ayan na! Kapag nagte-text ako ng sweet sasabihin niyang "parang template" lang ang mga messages ko. While we were in bed ('yung 'di capital letter B), sabi niya "parang plastik pagtawag mo sa'kin ng 'baby' kasi lahat na lang yata ng dinadala mo rito 'yan ang tawag mo." Pagkatapos naman, "wala akong naramdamang love from you. puro libog lang." At the point. Everything was a blur. I remember calmly raising my voice and calmly throwing some stuff to the wall, calmly getting out of bed, and calmly punching the wall. Tumahimik siya. And then natakot daw siya. Hindi ko naman alam kung bakit? Eh, I was calm the whole time!!!

The next day I was out with my friends. Siya naman may binyag na pinuntahan. Sa Misa tinetext niyang nagdadasal daw siya nang matindi kasi natatakot daw siya. So that evening, Sunday na'to, pumunta ako sa bahay niya na may dalang Toblerone (cute, noh?). Kinausap ko siya. Sabi niya, "Nagmadali ba tayo?"

"'Wala nang point pag-usapan 'yan dahil tayo na. Might as well work this out. Sabi mo sa'kin 'Sink or Swim? Swim.' 'Yun ang pinanghahawakan ko."

Natakot daw talaga siya sa outburst ko. Last daw niyang na-"trauma" nang ganu'n 13 years old pa siya. I apologized but added that it was just out of sheer frustration with his constant kapraningan and doubtfulness. It makes me feel un-trustworthy.

After a while, nagkaayos na rin kami.

And then eto na! He admitted that he didn't really go to Mass earlier that day. He met with this guy, Joseph, from the internet (na apparently one batch younger sa'kin sa Marist at kilala ako though I don't know him). I asked, "Did you tell Joseph na boyfriend mo na'ko?"

"I said we already took the plunge."

"What did he say?"

"Sabi niya, 'ikaw kasi hindi mo'ko mineet the day before naging kayo, eh."

"Kung mineet mo ba siya the day before naging tayo magiging tayo pa rin."








"I don't know."





Nainis ako. Nag-away na naman kami nang slight. Sabi niya 'wag na raw akong magselos kasi ako na nga raw pinili niya.

"Kung sabay mo kaming na-meet, magiging boyfriend mo ba'ko?"

"Hindi ako 'yung tipo ng tao na sasabihin lang 'yung gustong marining ng iba...I don't know."

" 'Di dapat hindi mo'ko boyfriend." Tinantsa ko talaga 'yung pagkasabi ko nito na may parating na cab. Ang effect? Dramatic exit sabay drive away in a cab. Kulang na lang umulan.

On the way home I realized I may have overreacted since aminado naman kaming hindi pa namin love ang isa't isa. So I guess normal lang na paminsan-minsan kuwestiyunin kung kami nga ba dapat. So when I got home I called him up and said sorry. Then he goes, "Sige, ok lang. Good luck na lang sa inyo ni Joseph."

"Anong ibig mong sabihing good luck sa'min ni Joseph? Ibig sabihin kinoconsider mo pa rin siya?"

"Hmmm...Hindi pa siguro kasi OK pa naman tayo."

"Pero kapag hindi na tayo OK tatawagan mo siya?"

"Oo, pero not this week, not next week, or the third, or the fourth..." (Medyo naiirita na siya.)

So sabi ko, "Hindi, ganito: bukas pa lang tawagan mo na siya."

"Wala nga'kong balak tawagan siya."

"Hindi, tawagan mo na siya kasi ngayon pa lang wala na tayo."






I added, "OK?"







He said, "OK."


Then I erased his number sa phonebook ko tapos nag-text na'ko sa mga tao na wala na ulit akong boyfriend. Hindi pa rin ako umiinom pero mas maingat na'ko. Baka mamaya kung ano na naman magawa ngayong sober ako, eh.