I'm a Baby!

My high school best friend recently broke up with his college-aged boyfriend dahil sawa na siya sa adobo. He wanted an open relationship, the young boy wasn’t, well, open to it.

My friend admitted that he has cheated with his boyfriend so I didn’t see why he wanted an open relationship. As far as the dynamics are concerned, he was getting what he wanted anyway. At the same time, I didn’t see how his boyfriend could insist on a monogamous relationship when obviously his partner wasn’t keen on maintaining one. There are so many things I couldn’t see, no?

There’s a little bit of my best friend in me. And there’s a little bit of his ex-boyfriend in me. Siguro every gay man suffers from this split personality. We want the fairy tale – the romance, the commitment, growing old together. But we also want the porn movie – one-night stands, fuck buddies, anonymous sex. Puwede ba bot?

I think puwede.

Ang pinakamalaking issue lang dito, eh, sex. Madalas kasi masyadong malaking weight ang nilalagay natin sa sex. Sa relationship ito ang napagdidiskitahan. Siguro dahil ito na ang pinaka-tangible manifestation ng mga tama at mali sa isang relasyon. Pero ang pagkakaroon ng iisang concept kung ano ba dapat ang sex, gaano ito kahalaga, at ano ang ibig-sabihin nito sa isang relationship ang nagiging source ng away.

Well, iba naman talaga ang dynamics at social expectations in a heterosexual relationship so hindi ko na ‘yun pakikiaalaman. Pero among gay men, sa tingin ko ang sikreto para mag-last ang isang relationship, ay I-CONTEXTUALIZE NATIN ANG SEX. Hindi pare-pareho ang sex sa atin. Merong libog sex lang, subok lang sex, sex dahil kung i-test kung bagay kayo, sex kasi mahal kita…

Sex is important in a romantic relationship. It’s one of many things that separate your relationship from the one you have with others. In this context, importante na sexually compatible kayo and that you are physically attracted to each other. You’d have to want to have sex with your partner. Pero hindi lang sa sex nakasalalay ang relationship. And’yan ‘yung nakakapag-usap kayo nang matagal. ‘Yung narerespect n’yo ang pagkatao ng bawat isa - ang trabaho, pananaw sa mundo, pangarap, opinyon ninyo.

But while sex can be important, meron pang ibang context ito. Ito ‘yung just sex. Wala lang. Cute ka, you think I’m cute, too. Why not? Sa ganyang context, kung makipag-sex ang partner ko sa ibang lalaki, hindi nu’n madi-diminish ang love namin sa isa’t isa, nor ang bond na shine-share namin. Wala lang sex can be the other ulam na lalong nagpapasarap sa adobo.

Kanya-kanyang timpla na lang siguro ang bawat tao, bawat magkarelasyon sa sinasabi kong CONTEXTUALIZATION OF SEX. Para sa’kin, ayos na’ko sa “open relationship that’s not so open”. Sort of a “relaxed monogamy.”

Sa ganitong set-up, I still wouldn’t go out and tell my partner about my other sexual exploits because I wouldn’t want to hear about his. We don’t need to know everything about each other, don’t we? Mas marami pa kaming puwedeng pag-usapan. What you do in your own time is your business. As long as you’re not bumping off dates just to sleep with the new hottie, or you’re having SEB’s at my pad, bahala ka sa buhay mo. And, chances are, if it’s just wala lang sex, I’d probably forget about it and not consider it worth telling my partner. Ngayon kapag na-i-in-love ka na, that’s when you have to talk about it kasi involved na’yung partner mo ru’n, eh.