I'm a Baby!

Hindi na siya gaanong hot pero since most of us still maintain our Friendster accounts, nagiging batayan tuloy ito ng kalagayan ng ating relationship sa ibang tao. Emphasis on RELATIONSHIP.

With my first boyfriend, naging saksi sa stages ng aming relationship ang aming Friendster accounts. Nariyan ang kakakilig na pagtse-change ng Status from ‘Single’ to ‘In a Relationship,’ ang paggawa namin ng testimonial sa isa’t isa, hanggang sa eventual pag-delete namin ng mga ito when we broke up. (Siya ang unang nag-delete so I guess I had to). Nakuwento ko na rin yata ‘to, pero it also bothered me that soon after the break-up, his “Who I Want to Meet” included a search for “Someone who enjoys the outdoors…funny.” Nagkaroon tuloy ng confrontation over the phone when I was asking, “Am I not funny enough!? Don’t I love the outdoors enough?!” Oh, well, ewan ko na lang kung nahanap na niya ‘yon.

Surprisingly, despite the fact that ours is an extreme example of bad break-up, we remain friends…at least in Friendster.

Ironically, my third, and most recent, boyfriend and I are no longer Friendsters. I was surprised when he deleted me from his list because we are, well, friends. We’d talk when we see each other and we even text each other once in a while. When I messaged him soon after I realized that he deleted me, he said he just had to cut me off. Kung sa Brokeback Mountain sinabi ni Ennis kay Jack, “I wish I knew how to quit you,” mukhang ako madali lang i-quit. Well, siguro it wasn’t meant to last since nu’ng naging kami ‘In A Relationship’ ako samantalang siya ‘It’s Complicated.’

Because my second boyfriend and I had a mere one-week relationship, hindi masyado dramatic ang Friendster namin with regards to one another. We’re still on each other’s Friendsters. We still text each other once in a while. Pero meron siyang mga sinend na photos sa akin na hanggang ngayon hindi ko pa rin ina-approve. May isang taon na rin yata ‘yung mga ‘yon. Bababa naman ang market value ko if I have photos with my ex on my profile, ‘di ba? Baka isipin nila hindi pa rin ako open for a new one.

Pati sa mga kaibigan ko importanteng gauge rin para sa kanila ang Friendster profile nila at ng kanilang partner (o ex-partner o pinapangarap na maging partner) to determine “where they are.” Nariyan ang nag-away ang friend ko at ang boyfriend niya because this other guy posted photos of him and my girl friend sa kanyang profile. Eventually, this photo-posting guy became my girl friend’s boyfriend. Wala na sila ngayon pero tsine-check pa rin ng kaibigan ko ‘yung profile, status at testi nu’ng guy as relationship indicators.

Naranasan din ng iba ko pang kaibigan ang pagtse-change ng profile back into “Single” ng kanilang ex then into “In a Relationship” again once they find someone new. Ouch! Nariyan din ang pagdi-delete ng mga testimonial sa isa’t isa, pagbabago ng mga entries sa profiles, mga senti blogs, mga bagong ngiti sa photo gallery…

Still, hindi direct indicator ang Friendster. Minsan, you really have to look deeper para malaman mo kung ano ba talaga. After all, hindi naman lahat ng ka-close mo nasa Friendster mo at meron ka rin namang mga hindi kakilala pero ka-Friendster mo. Nasa Friendster ko ang first girlfriend ko pero hindi naman kami exactly friends. And it’s kinda weird that I know she’s just around, having complete access to my photos, to my baklang-baklang blog…

It started years ago, nu’ng nagsisimula pa lang maging popular ang Friendster. Everybody’s talking about it so I opened an account and forgot about it. Months after, nu’ng naisip kong maging active na sa Friendster, one of the few messages and invites I got was from her. I froze. It’s been years and we’ve completely lost touch. Her message said she’s happy that I’m finally out. I didn’t know how she found out until Thea pointed out that I have “Dating Men, Relationship Men” on my profile. Yaiks! I tried ignoring her messages and invites until she asked kung hanggang kailan ko siya hindi papansinin. Having no mature reason, I just wrote a letter that I’m not quite ready blah-blah-blah. I don’t know. Thought that was the end of it, but after a couple of years came another invite from her. This time I was more comfortable with my homosexuality and approved it without funfare. We’ve met bumped into each other a couple of times since and it’s still as awkward as hell but at least hindi niya ako sinasampal. She still remains the charming, pleasant person I first met in high school. Thank you. Pasensiya na rin. Talagang mahirap lang for me.

Pero heto ang nakakatawa. There’s this guy who deleted me from Friendster. Hindi siya jowa or anything. He just rowed for UP for a couple of weeks at nakasama pa siya sa Boracay nu’ng May. There, he got into some petty falling out with some members of the team at ngayon hindi na kami Friendsters.

O, basta tayo Friendsters pa rin, ha.