I'm a Baby!

Takut na takot ako kapag pinagsa-stand-up comedy ako. That atmosphere kasi puts undue pressure on me to be funny. Siguro nga nakakahirit ako ng funny kapag nag-iinuman, nagmi-meeting, nagkukuwentuhan, o kahit kung nagho-host ako ng event pero lumalabas lang 'yun basta. Bihira kong isipin. Pero kung sabihin mo sa'kin na sumamapa ako sa stage para magpatawa! Aba! Ibang usapan na'yan.

Alam ng mga matagal ko nang kaibigan na ayoko nu'ng pinapa-encore ako ng mga joke na ginawa ko na dati. Same concept kasi siya ng pressure na dapat nakakatawa. Saka parang hindi na spontaneous. Kaya madalas hindi ko napapaunlakan 'yung request nila. Naasar na lang sila. Oh, well...

Pero may mga jokes akong karir talaga, 'yung inisip ko at prinaktis ko sa harap ng salamin. Tulad na lang ng aking spoof ng Academy Awards. Dream writing job ko kasi ang Oscars. Tuwang-tuwa ako sa spiels lalo na kapag iniintro ang Best Picture nominees - formal tapos sa huli natatahi 'yung title ng pelikula sa sinasabi ng presenter. Kapag sa Pilipinas i-apply 'yun, ito ang mangyayari:

VO: Winner of The Academy Award for Best Actor in an Actress' Role...Rey Agapay

REY AGAPAY: (In classic white gown) Our first nominated film adds an exciting yet heartwarming twist to the universal and traditional dichotomy of society. It speaks of the battle good and evil, right and wrong, black and white, light and shade. It speaks of the battle between your guardian angel and...,MY GUARDIAN DEBIL. (Tatalikod to look at the big screen for choiced clips of the film My Guardian Debil starring Jimmy Santos)

***Shet! College pa lang na-compose ko na ang joke na'yan (which explains the use of a little known old movie) pero nang ina-attempt kong isulat nakalimutan ko pa gayu'ng everytime na i-request 'to ng mga kaibigan ko, ito lang ang isang joke na kaya kong sabihin without hesitation***

VO: Nanalo ng Gawad Urian noong nakaraang taon...Rey Agapay.
REY AGAPAY: Isang batang naghahanap ng pagmamahal ng isang tunay na ama; tatlong lalakeng ibinigay na pag-ibig na yaon. Ito ang tema ng unang nominadong pelikula bilang pinakamahusay ng taon: WAKE UP LITTLE SUSY.

Another version:
The military - the last bastion of machismo. Yet one man dares to speak against it all and teach his men the true meaning of courage, bravery, what it means to be a real man. This is the story of our first nominated film. This is the story of KUMANDER GRINGA.

Isa pang spoof na nanganak na lang nang nanganak ay inspired ng The Sixth Sense. Fan kasi ako ni M. Night Shyamalan. Kahit 'yung mga sumunod niyang pelikula na konti na lang ang naka-appreciate, gusto ko pa rin. Magaling siyang masulat. Nagtataka lang ako na maraming natatakot sa The Sixth Sense when, personally, it was more of a drama than a horror flick. Totoo. Hindi nag-linger sa'kin 'yung mga multu-multo. Ito ang pinaka-memorable scene para sa'kin, 'yung nagtatapat na'yung character ni Haley Joel Osment sa nanay niya. Nag-uusap sila sa kotse tapos sinasabi nu'ng bata na binibisita siya ng lola niya na mommy ng mommy niya. Naiiyak na'yung mommy.

KID: (In a raspy, whispery voice) You went to grandmother's grave and asked her a question. She said the answer is "Everyday." Mom, what did you ask?
MOM: I asked, "Did I ever make you feel proud?"

O, 'di ba?! Sapul sa puso! Hero naman ang ibang version nu'n:

KID: You went to grandmother's grave and asked her a question. She said the answer is, "Everyday." Mom, what did you ask?
MOM: I asked, "Mom, what's your favorite song of Agot Isidro?"

KID: You went to grandmother's grave and asked her a question. She said the answer is, "Everyday." Mom, what did you ask?
MOM: I asked, "Mom, do you masturbate?"

KID: You went to grandmother's grave and asked her a question. She said the answer is, "Everyday." Mom, what did you ask?
MOM: I asked, "If a train leaves Point A and travels south at 30kph and another train leaves PointB...?"

***

My friendster, Coy, posted a comment dito na kung puwede raw i-bote ang mga thoughts ko. Sarap naman pakinggan. Actually, isang motivation ko nga sa pagba-blog 'yung ma-put into writing ang aking memories, including my jokes. Meron kasi minsan mga joke ko na inaalala ng mga tao tapos kapag ipapaulit nila hindi ko na talaga maalala, as in...Kaya heto. Feel free to use them HAHAHAHA!