Tuesday, September 12, 2006
My Unhappy Ending (Written by Cheryl Ingles)
MY GOOD FRIEND CHERYL, WHO HAS A VERY, VERY NICE BLOG (http://cheingles.blogs.friendster.com/my_turf/2006/08/batibot_at_iba_.html) WROTE THIS ABOUT ME A COUPLE OF YEARS AGO...
Saturday, June 19, 2004
he enters our place. a knowing smile on his face and an unmistakable change in his gait. another guy follows. rey gives me a subtle wink,as if saying, "Here he is."
i feel my face light up with understanding. i bite my tongue. hard, so i can keep my composure and fight the urge to exclaim, "Oh. My. Gawd."
then i think to myself:
Could this be...
the same rey who cried almost every night when we talked on the phone, mulling endlessly over a heartache so intense that not even his emotionally strong nature could help him cope with?
is this the same rey who had almost given up on finding THE one? The same rey who, perhaps in exasperation, resorted to promiscuity—taking in different partners night after night, trying to make himself forget the loneliness of not having someone, only to end up even moremiserable when he finds himself alone again after the steamy encounter? "Sex lang", he always said. and he got dangerously close to being convinced that he could never get past that.
is this really the same guy?
__________________
Philippine Independence Day doesn't hold that much importance to most filipinos nowadays, i know. but rey, for sure, will never see that day in the same way ever again.
it was a slip, alright. but one that gave rise to positive developments that came in torrents: happening so fast, hurriedly tumbling down, one after another. yet, rey reacted with such grace and poise, as if he was expecting it, as if he had it all planned, knowing
exactly what he had to do once it came.
he lovingly wrote in his testimonial for the guy, "Nung nakilala ko sya, I was emancipated from my incomplete existence."
i was struck: such simple wording, but held boundless profundity. The sincerity left me tingling.
then i texted him, lovingly congratulating him for finding what both of us have been whining about for years.
in countless drinking sessions, we shouted out loud (with teary eyes, no less) "Tangina, kelan ba tayo magkaka-lovelife?!" i've seen him in his worst days. not a pretty sight, i must say. for me, nothing can be
more heartbreaking than seeing the one I regard as "strong" crumbling.
now, love, when it came to him, brought him more than your usual "renewed strength." i've never seen anything else make him THIS happy. not even the CMMA Award, not making it to the UP rowing team, not reaching some mountain's summit (some of the things he thought of as insurmountable at the onset, but managed to conquer nonetheless). they still don't compare to the sheer delight and inspiration that love brought to his life.
"Yep. I have no doubt this will last" was his earnest reply when I jokingly commanded him, "Ingatan mo na yan ha!"
EMANCIPATED FROM AN INCOMPLETE EXISTENCE.
WOW. that must have felt so wonderful. what i wouldn't give to find such bliss. it's one cliche i wouldn't mind living...
i could just imagine:
the warmth of a loved one's embrace. the excitement. the relief in knowing, with unabated certainty, that there really is someone. And you have the concrete manifestation---in the flesh, sitting right beside you...all cozy and warm. but you snuggle closer. draw the deepest of breaths. then close your eyes because it is better relished that way. but you quickly reopen them. seeking assurance, for the millionth time, that you're not dreaming.
but then again, i could only imagine.
still, i believe i am more happy for him than envious. genuinely.
Saturday, June 19, 2004
he enters our place. a knowing smile on his face and an unmistakable change in his gait. another guy follows. rey gives me a subtle wink,as if saying, "Here he is."
i feel my face light up with understanding. i bite my tongue. hard, so i can keep my composure and fight the urge to exclaim, "Oh. My. Gawd."
then i think to myself:
Could this be...
the same rey who cried almost every night when we talked on the phone, mulling endlessly over a heartache so intense that not even his emotionally strong nature could help him cope with?
is this the same rey who had almost given up on finding THE one? The same rey who, perhaps in exasperation, resorted to promiscuity—taking in different partners night after night, trying to make himself forget the loneliness of not having someone, only to end up even moremiserable when he finds himself alone again after the steamy encounter? "Sex lang", he always said. and he got dangerously close to being convinced that he could never get past that.
is this really the same guy?
__________________
Philippine Independence Day doesn't hold that much importance to most filipinos nowadays, i know. but rey, for sure, will never see that day in the same way ever again.
it was a slip, alright. but one that gave rise to positive developments that came in torrents: happening so fast, hurriedly tumbling down, one after another. yet, rey reacted with such grace and poise, as if he was expecting it, as if he had it all planned, knowing
exactly what he had to do once it came.
he lovingly wrote in his testimonial for the guy, "Nung nakilala ko sya, I was emancipated from my incomplete existence."
i was struck: such simple wording, but held boundless profundity. The sincerity left me tingling.
then i texted him, lovingly congratulating him for finding what both of us have been whining about for years.
in countless drinking sessions, we shouted out loud (with teary eyes, no less) "Tangina, kelan ba tayo magkaka-lovelife?!" i've seen him in his worst days. not a pretty sight, i must say. for me, nothing can be
more heartbreaking than seeing the one I regard as "strong" crumbling.
now, love, when it came to him, brought him more than your usual "renewed strength." i've never seen anything else make him THIS happy. not even the CMMA Award, not making it to the UP rowing team, not reaching some mountain's summit (some of the things he thought of as insurmountable at the onset, but managed to conquer nonetheless). they still don't compare to the sheer delight and inspiration that love brought to his life.
"Yep. I have no doubt this will last" was his earnest reply when I jokingly commanded him, "Ingatan mo na yan ha!"
EMANCIPATED FROM AN INCOMPLETE EXISTENCE.
WOW. that must have felt so wonderful. what i wouldn't give to find such bliss. it's one cliche i wouldn't mind living...
i could just imagine:
the warmth of a loved one's embrace. the excitement. the relief in knowing, with unabated certainty, that there really is someone. And you have the concrete manifestation---in the flesh, sitting right beside you...all cozy and warm. but you snuggle closer. draw the deepest of breaths. then close your eyes because it is better relished that way. but you quickly reopen them. seeking assurance, for the millionth time, that you're not dreaming.
but then again, i could only imagine.
still, i believe i am more happy for him than envious. genuinely.
# posted by rey agapay @ 5:10 AM 
