Monday, October 02, 2006



“Ignorance is bliss.” Sabay inom ng blue pill.

Kung Matrix lang ‘to ang dali lang makalimot. Pero sabi nga “Once you make someone nothing, then he becomes everything.” A recent Reader’s Digest article reports that the more effort we put into forgetting about our worries before we sleep, the bigger the chances that we’ll even dream about them. Yikes!

So paano nga ba man-deadma kahit siya ang lagi mong iniisip at sa mga kakaunting pagkakataon na nagkakasama kayo eh gusto mong i-relish every second? Paano nga ba ma-master ang art of ignoring someone? Is there a science to “Ignorance?”

Una sa lahat, 27 na’ko. Hindi na’ko dapat nagsusumixteen na meron pang pakiput-pakipot d’yan pero no matter how I try to deny it, game talaga ang love, eh. Ayaw mo man dahil gusto mo matured na ang approach and all, meron talagang dynamics, tactics, strategies at rules ang dating and love.

One important rule is to hold your cards close. Well, in the spirit of “I don’t play games” heto ako’t sinusulat ang nararamdaman ko kahit nasa Friendster ko lang siya so malamang nababasa niya ‘to. Alam na naman niya, eh.

That makes his mastery of Ignorance of Rey quite troubling or to put it more accurately, his Ignorance of Me comes naturally to him. Wala siyang kailangan i-master dahil wala namang effort ‘yung ginagawa niya. He just doesn’t have the urge to text me or see me. And that’s why this is already my third love-laced blog entry about him. Ang daming thoughts na kailangan ng outlet lalo pa’t nararamdaman kong by the looks of it, I’ll come crashing down in a week’s time. Ayoko pa lang masyadong i-confront ‘yung totoo kasi the White Rock Triathlon is coming up in a week at hindi ko kailangan ng emotional negativity. I have to be psychologically and emotionally prepared for that race. Besides, meron pa’kong self-imposed alcohol ban dahil nga sa karerang ‘yan. So next week pa talaga ako makakapagyaya ng inuman. Invited kayong lahat na Friendsters ko! (Pati kaya siya? Haha!)

While I could eventually have for him the kind of Ignorance he has for me, the most crucial time to really practice it is when Ignorance has to be efforted. So last Tuesday I erased his number from my phonebook. Of course I have his numbers saved in my laptop but it works because whenever I’d compose a text and realize that I have to look for his number pa, I would immediately stop. For a while it seemed to bear good results. A few minutes after erasing his number, he called. Konting kuwentuhan lang. The next day, siya ulit tumawag.

And then Milenyo came. Last night I called him up. And a few minutes pa lang after we hung up I started texting a barrage of pa-sweet messages. My mwah-mwaahs and I miss u na went un-replied to. I wanted to escape my solitude in the dark, candlelit room and curse the strong winds, the rain, and the brownout for providing the perfect ambiance for loneliness and irrational longings for the one who only sees you as one of them.

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