Thursday, December 31, 2009
2009 began
2009 began in the hospital. And that set the pace of how I lived out this year. I lived it. Yet in silence.
I am just now realizing that this necessary silence in the beginning may have affected my brain, and my heart, and my soul that are used to being honest and open; it is now cautious, afraid to even reveal strong feelings for unrelated things lest it might reveal concealed truths. I write this final blog entry for 2009 with such caution.
Nowhere is this silence and caution evident than in my blog. I presume that in my daily conversations I appear normal and unaffected by a soul that is now only learning how to shut the doors around it. I appear candid and freeflowing, but my blog revealed my speechlessness. You’d think rigorous trainings for the UP Dragonboat Team’s races, and the first-ever CamSur Ironman70.3 would release my blogging juices but they only gave a diversion from self-introspection. The exciting events and sidelights racing with an entirely new set of teammates in Boracay weren’t enough to excite me to write a traditional post-race report on things not race-related. The Ironman experience made writers out of triathletes, and pressured me to finally recount my experience – but the piece lacked an inspired humor, and it failed to capture the content glee of having for the first time, my parents see me cross a finish line. I found a lack in soul -
- underneath Singapore’s clean, first-world façade, but I just said it in my status update. The less talk. And so I, despite numerous attempts, and believe me a strong desire, failed to make a detailed account of my fun, exciting, and fulfilling first trip abroad. So many wonderful thoughts for eloquent essays where reduced to mere shoutouts.
“Rey is…” and uploading photos became excuses for not writing. My wonderment with an unexpected trip to Japan are not in black and white. I found myself dumbfounded everytime I try to write down my profound happiness about Japan, evident whenever I restrain myself from going on and on and on when I talk about my adventures there in face-to-face conversations. Talk more, write less. The former allows one to just ramble off memories, while organizing one’s thoughts into a coherent and beautiful essay might trigger unwanted ideas into popping up in the process.
And painful ideas do pop up, even when doing mundane things. I would have preferred the mundane face-to-face break-up, though. Over him calling it off in a cellphone conversation that began with him texting: "col me then." Well-meaning friends sat me done, helped me process it over alcohol, but we were all surprised to discover that unlike before, I cannot seem to talk about it. Hearing me say what pains about the outcome of that relationship only compounds to my fear and uncertainty.
Ondoy submerged our home of 30 years. I didn’t have to add clutter to the bulletin board. I just let others tell their stories. Listening to people’s problems puts yours into perspective. I am blessed -
- to be alive. That I shall not hesitate to write for all the world to see: I AM ALIVE!
I am just now realizing that this necessary silence in the beginning may have affected my brain, and my heart, and my soul that are used to being honest and open; it is now cautious, afraid to even reveal strong feelings for unrelated things lest it might reveal concealed truths. I write this final blog entry for 2009 with such caution.
Nowhere is this silence and caution evident than in my blog. I presume that in my daily conversations I appear normal and unaffected by a soul that is now only learning how to shut the doors around it. I appear candid and freeflowing, but my blog revealed my speechlessness. You’d think rigorous trainings for the UP Dragonboat Team’s races, and the first-ever CamSur Ironman70.3 would release my blogging juices but they only gave a diversion from self-introspection. The exciting events and sidelights racing with an entirely new set of teammates in Boracay weren’t enough to excite me to write a traditional post-race report on things not race-related. The Ironman experience made writers out of triathletes, and pressured me to finally recount my experience – but the piece lacked an inspired humor, and it failed to capture the content glee of having for the first time, my parents see me cross a finish line. I found a lack in soul -
- underneath Singapore’s clean, first-world façade, but I just said it in my status update. The less talk. And so I, despite numerous attempts, and believe me a strong desire, failed to make a detailed account of my fun, exciting, and fulfilling first trip abroad. So many wonderful thoughts for eloquent essays where reduced to mere shoutouts.
“Rey is…” and uploading photos became excuses for not writing. My wonderment with an unexpected trip to Japan are not in black and white. I found myself dumbfounded everytime I try to write down my profound happiness about Japan, evident whenever I restrain myself from going on and on and on when I talk about my adventures there in face-to-face conversations. Talk more, write less. The former allows one to just ramble off memories, while organizing one’s thoughts into a coherent and beautiful essay might trigger unwanted ideas into popping up in the process.
And painful ideas do pop up, even when doing mundane things. I would have preferred the mundane face-to-face break-up, though. Over him calling it off in a cellphone conversation that began with him texting: "col me then." Well-meaning friends sat me done, helped me process it over alcohol, but we were all surprised to discover that unlike before, I cannot seem to talk about it. Hearing me say what pains about the outcome of that relationship only compounds to my fear and uncertainty.
Ondoy submerged our home of 30 years. I didn’t have to add clutter to the bulletin board. I just let others tell their stories. Listening to people’s problems puts yours into perspective. I am blessed -
- to be alive. That I shall not hesitate to write for all the world to see: I AM ALIVE!
Thursday, December 24, 2009
Decada ng Saya (2000-2009)
Ito na ang huling taon ko sa kalendaryo! when I turned 20 when I felt down because hindi na’ko teenager, hindi na generation ko ang dini-depict sa mga TV shows…Turning 25 was worse. When you were younger, you thought you’d be this or that by the time your 25, naively thinking that is sooo far away, and when it happens, ayun, parang napakalayo na nang nilakbay mo pero wala ka pa ring nararating. Thirty, it was different. By then, you’ve achieved quite a few things you could be proud of, and yet you feel young enough to be optimistic that there are more wonderful dreams to be realized.
Pero ang feeling ko ngayon parang dinaanan ko lang ang 20’s ko! So pagkagising ko kanina, matapos kong mag-reply sa mga nag-text at naki-chat sa Facebook ng happy birthday, at nagbasa ng mga “nag-post ng something” sa aking “pader” (Filipino ang Facebook ko), ay hinalungkat ko ang aking mga planner/diary para maalalahanan ako sa aking yuppy years. Mahirap siya kasi maraming mga iniisip ko na nangyari sa ganitong taon, hindi pala! Buti na lang medyo well-documented ang buhay ko. Pinakamahirap i-retrace ‘yung pre-Friendster/Multiply/Facebook years, ‘yun din kasi ‘yung time na nawawala ang mga planner ko. Anyway, here – more for my benefit – is an overview of the past decade. Salamat, it is not lost no more!
2000 – graduates from up; joins gma
Yes, next year, around July, I celebrate my 10th year as a Kapuso! Diyos ko! Nasa GMA na’ko wala pa’yung dalawang bagong buildings, at hindi pa Kapuso ang tawag sa’min!
2001 – moved out
February ako bumukod. Ang ipon ko lang enough to pay the deposit at ni wala akong sariling salamin sa aking maliit na apartment sa #13 113 Esteban Abada! Kapag lumalabas ako to work, pasimple akong tumitingin sa mga dinadaanan kong kotse to check kung ok ba’yung suot ko. I advise every Filipino to move out as soon as they start working kasi dito talaga nila mari-realize ang importance ng karera, ng halaga ng pera, ng pagtitipid, ng disiplina, at mas maa-appreciate mo ang mga bagay-bagay kung nagsimula ka sa wala.
2002 – joins the up mountaineers
A “lampa” moment while assistant writing the Araw Awards in Cebu led to a realization that I am not fit. Namatay-matay ako sa Level 1 climb at secretly raw na nagta-thumbs down sign ang mga members tuwing dumadaan akong naglalakad na lang halos sa aking first 6.6km diagnostic test. Pero tiniyaga-tiyaga ko lang, na-induct din ako that year!
2003 – joins the up dragonboat team
Pinalipas lang ang Christmas vacation bago pinaunlakan ang imbitasyong mag-row. Sa Marikina Youth Center pa ang docking area nu’n. This is the first sport I really fell in love with. Ang ganda kaya niya!
2004 – has his first boyfriend
In fairness, 1996 pa lang nagrereklamo na’kong “Wala akong lovelife.” And when it happened, akala ko forever. For two months lang pala. Na-blotter pa’ko!
2005 –buys his first condo; blogs for the first time; races his first triathlon
After Esteban Abada, nag-move-in with Thea sa Panay. Nakumbinsi ko siyang mahirap umupa nang habambuhay dahil sabi nga ng nanay ko (na kinowt lang ni Villar – “di baling magdildil ng asin…”) Isang taon ding nagbabayad kami ng doble kasi pre-selling ‘tong condo, ang hirap! Pero buti na rin ‘yung nagtiis-tiis nang bonggang-bongga noon! Mas bonggang-bongga na ngayon, ha!
Five years ago since I first blogged! Sabi ko pa nu’n kay Jove na na-convince sa’kin, “pagsusulat na nga trabaho ko, in my spare time magsusulat pa rin?!”
June nu’ng nagkayayaan ng mga teammates na subukan ang beginner’s triathlon ng UPLB Trantados. Nagkamedalya. Tatlo na lang kami ngayong nagta-triathlon ngayon, si TJ na naka-sub-six hours na sa half-Ironman this year, at si Monica na national team lang naman!
2006 – is promoted youngest headwriter in gma; finishes his firs half-ironman triathlon; throws first-ever reypen
Isinumpa ko na nu’n ang pagtatrabaho ng Sunday pero naging dalawang show pa’ko – after SOP, segue sa SFiles! Enjoy naman at saka doble kita hehe! This Sunday, Dec 27, sesegue pa’ko sa Starstruck Live after ng Showbiz Central! Good luck to me!
My best triathlon year, so far. I got two bronze medals – one in a National Age Group Race and one in my age-group at my very first half-ironman distance triathlon in White Rock.
Sa isang inuman sa Brothers, nakumbinsi kami nina Danny, Diane, etc. na mag-joint party ni Pen on Christmas Day, something we’ve always fantasized pero takot kaming gawin kasi sino nga naman ang magpa-party away from their families ng Pasko, ‘di ba? Well, mamaya marami na namang regular at first-time ReyPen Party Animals! Lezgo!
2007 – pakshirt
Wala nang pakshirt pero ang dami kong natutunan dito. Someday, someday…
2008 – is promoted creative consultant for gma production services group and rtv-entertainment; buys his first car
2009 – gets to travel abroad for the first time (singapore and japan)
Binago nito ang marami kong pananaw sa buhay, i-share ko next time, ha!
Salamat sa inyong lahat! Sa susunod na mga adventures ulit natin! Ang saya ng buhay! ‘Yun lang!
Pero ang feeling ko ngayon parang dinaanan ko lang ang 20’s ko! So pagkagising ko kanina, matapos kong mag-reply sa mga nag-text at naki-chat sa Facebook ng happy birthday, at nagbasa ng mga “nag-post ng something” sa aking “pader” (Filipino ang Facebook ko), ay hinalungkat ko ang aking mga planner/diary para maalalahanan ako sa aking yuppy years. Mahirap siya kasi maraming mga iniisip ko na nangyari sa ganitong taon, hindi pala! Buti na lang medyo well-documented ang buhay ko. Pinakamahirap i-retrace ‘yung pre-Friendster/Multiply/Facebook years, ‘yun din kasi ‘yung time na nawawala ang mga planner ko. Anyway, here – more for my benefit – is an overview of the past decade. Salamat, it is not lost no more!
2000 – graduates from up; joins gma
Yes, next year, around July, I celebrate my 10th year as a Kapuso! Diyos ko! Nasa GMA na’ko wala pa’yung dalawang bagong buildings, at hindi pa Kapuso ang tawag sa’min!
2001 – moved out
February ako bumukod. Ang ipon ko lang enough to pay the deposit at ni wala akong sariling salamin sa aking maliit na apartment sa #13 113 Esteban Abada! Kapag lumalabas ako to work, pasimple akong tumitingin sa mga dinadaanan kong kotse to check kung ok ba’yung suot ko. I advise every Filipino to move out as soon as they start working kasi dito talaga nila mari-realize ang importance ng karera, ng halaga ng pera, ng pagtitipid, ng disiplina, at mas maa-appreciate mo ang mga bagay-bagay kung nagsimula ka sa wala.
2002 – joins the up mountaineers
A “lampa” moment while assistant writing the Araw Awards in Cebu led to a realization that I am not fit. Namatay-matay ako sa Level 1 climb at secretly raw na nagta-thumbs down sign ang mga members tuwing dumadaan akong naglalakad na lang halos sa aking first 6.6km diagnostic test. Pero tiniyaga-tiyaga ko lang, na-induct din ako that year!
2003 – joins the up dragonboat team
Pinalipas lang ang Christmas vacation bago pinaunlakan ang imbitasyong mag-row. Sa Marikina Youth Center pa ang docking area nu’n. This is the first sport I really fell in love with. Ang ganda kaya niya!
2004 – has his first boyfriend
In fairness, 1996 pa lang nagrereklamo na’kong “Wala akong lovelife.” And when it happened, akala ko forever. For two months lang pala. Na-blotter pa’ko!
2005 –buys his first condo; blogs for the first time; races his first triathlon
After Esteban Abada, nag-move-in with Thea sa Panay. Nakumbinsi ko siyang mahirap umupa nang habambuhay dahil sabi nga ng nanay ko (na kinowt lang ni Villar – “di baling magdildil ng asin…”) Isang taon ding nagbabayad kami ng doble kasi pre-selling ‘tong condo, ang hirap! Pero buti na rin ‘yung nagtiis-tiis nang bonggang-bongga noon! Mas bonggang-bongga na ngayon, ha!
Five years ago since I first blogged! Sabi ko pa nu’n kay Jove na na-convince sa’kin, “pagsusulat na nga trabaho ko, in my spare time magsusulat pa rin?!”
June nu’ng nagkayayaan ng mga teammates na subukan ang beginner’s triathlon ng UPLB Trantados. Nagkamedalya. Tatlo na lang kami ngayong nagta-triathlon ngayon, si TJ na naka-sub-six hours na sa half-Ironman this year, at si Monica na national team lang naman!
2006 – is promoted youngest headwriter in gma; finishes his firs half-ironman triathlon; throws first-ever reypen
Isinumpa ko na nu’n ang pagtatrabaho ng Sunday pero naging dalawang show pa’ko – after SOP, segue sa SFiles! Enjoy naman at saka doble kita hehe! This Sunday, Dec 27, sesegue pa’ko sa Starstruck Live after ng Showbiz Central! Good luck to me!
My best triathlon year, so far. I got two bronze medals – one in a National Age Group Race and one in my age-group at my very first half-ironman distance triathlon in White Rock.
Sa isang inuman sa Brothers, nakumbinsi kami nina Danny, Diane, etc. na mag-joint party ni Pen on Christmas Day, something we’ve always fantasized pero takot kaming gawin kasi sino nga naman ang magpa-party away from their families ng Pasko, ‘di ba? Well, mamaya marami na namang regular at first-time ReyPen Party Animals! Lezgo!
2007 – pakshirt
Wala nang pakshirt pero ang dami kong natutunan dito. Someday, someday…
2008 – is promoted creative consultant for gma production services group and rtv-entertainment; buys his first car
2009 – gets to travel abroad for the first time (singapore and japan)
Binago nito ang marami kong pananaw sa buhay, i-share ko next time, ha!
Salamat sa inyong lahat! Sa susunod na mga adventures ulit natin! Ang saya ng buhay! ‘Yun lang!
