I'm a Baby!

Ako lang ba ang hindi natutuwang bading si Dumbledore? Well, siguro hindi. Kasi akala ko nu'n, ako lang ang Pilipinong hindi nagagalit kay Teri Hatcher sa pang-iinsulto niya sa mga Pilipino sa isang episode ng Desperate Housewives. Ang iniisip ko nu'n, "Poor doctors who left the country to work in America. Inaapi kayo. Kawawa naman kayo....(mga putang ina niyo! haha!)." Turns out ang mga hinahangaan kong kolumnista na tulad nina Michael Tan at Conrado de Quiros eh hindi rin ganu'n ka-sensitive.

Anyway, kagabi, isang thought-provoking discussion ang nag-ensue dahil nga sa isyu ng kabaklaan ni Dumbledore. Sabi kasi ni Nana, at nagpadala pa siya ng isang article this morning mirroring her sentiments, dahil nga si JK Rowling naman ang nag-imbento kay Dumbledore, kapag sinabi niyang bakla ang matandang wizard na'yon, bakla nga 'yon. Hmmm...napaka-valid na point. In fact, I kinda felt that I believed that supreme control of authors over their characters even beyond the text up until this Dumbledore-is-a-gay! issue came up. Feeling ko, puwede siyang thesis ng isang Literature student: Hanggang saan puwedeng idikta ng isang author ang buhay ng kanyang mga characters?

Ang feeling ko kasi, bound within the text ang power niya over her characters. Meaning, kapag isinulat niya, siyempre 'yun na. Sinulat niyang wizard si Dumbledore, eh, 'di wizard nga siya. Pero kapag labas na sa text, tulad na lang nangyari sa declaration ni JK Rowling about Dumbledore's sexuality, what she says is a mere inference about the character. It may be considered a stronger one by virtue of her being the author of the character, but a mere inference just the same. In boldly declaring: "He is my character. He is what he is and I have the right to say what I say about him," JK is right in the sense that she does have the right to say what she said about him. But it's only a right; not necessarily right. Dumbledore isn't what he is, in this case, just because she says so and because he is her character.

In fact, sa isang article about the issue, she never said that Dumbledore is gay. She is quoted as saying that she "always saw Dumbledore as gay." It's a world of difference, especially kung kabaklaan ng isang tao (kahit pa fictional) ang pinag-uusapan - is he gay or did someone just see him as gay.

After the release of the last and final book in the Harry Potter series, JK Rowling chat with fans and answered questions about what happened to the characters. Well, her inferences here are not at all controversial so tinanggap ko na lang siya na parang epilogue to the epilogue ng Deathly Hallows.

But for her to say na bading si Dumbledore months after?! Para siyang League of Filipino Governors na biglang lalantad at sasabihing sila ang nagpamudmod ng pera sa mga bagong governors. Last I heard milyung-milyong libro ang nabenta at isa na si JK sa pinakamayamang Britons ngayon so hindi ko alam ang motivation niya for stirring up this controversy. For one, hindi essential sa istorya kung bading man si Dumbledore o hindi. Unlike, say, 'yung kanyang inference na naging Auror nga si Harry Potter after all, dahil sa book ilang beses na sinabi na pangarap nga ni Harry maging Auror. 'Yun parang it made sense. Pero ang kabadingan ni umbledore...Saan galing 'yun??

OK lang naman talaga kung bading pala talaga si Dumbledore pero dapat meron siyang ipapakitang proof na ganu'n nga. Otherwise, it is not a statement of fact, but of an opinion: "she always saw Dumbledore as gay." Ngayon, kung meron siyang maipapakita sa book somewhere na naghi-hint na talaga ngang bading si Dumbledore, then brilliant talaga siya. Kung wala naman, opinyon lang niya 'to.

Isang example ng magandang paghi-hint ng isang truth about a character: 'yung final episode ng Sopranos. Bigla na lang nag-fade-to-black 'yung screen na akala ng ibang viewers biglang nag-off-the-air 'yung show just at the end of the program. 'Yun pala sadyang nagdilim and after a few seconds nag-roll na ang credits. Nalito ang mga tao kung ano talaga'ng nangyari sa main character. 'Yung mga creators hinayaan lang ang mga tao na mag-infer ng kanilang sariling conclusion.

Then may ilang avid viewers ang nag-refer sa isang previous episode kung saan sinasabi ng main character na sa tingin niya ang death tahimik lang, hindi mo mararamdaman, basta bigla na lang didilim, "it like cutting to black." Again, it's just a theory but since it's hinted in the text, brilliant at madali siyang tanggapin.

He began writing the first Friendster message, thinking all this negative energy in his lovelife may be a result of all the pain he may have caused others.

Going chronologically, he wrote Michelle first. He started by saying he was genuinely in love with her when they first met at the high school soiree but when she turned him down months after, wasn't sure what to do next. Embarassed, he just stayed as far away from her as possible. When their paths crossed again in college, so many things have changed. Some are quite obvious, and the others, he was still struggling with. For one, he was already in love with somebody else. But that, too, resulted to more pain and embarassment. He attributes his healing to Michelle. It wasn't hard to fall for again, he thought. But things have changed. And when he wanted out, it was also the first time he was gonna break up with anyone in his life. So he didn't know that doing it in McDo wasn't a great venue. Nor was refusing to talk to her afterwards. He thought running away, as far, far away as possible would be best for her. But it may have been only protecting himself. He wasn't ready to deal with all the pain he's caused. So he cut "cut clean," too clean that when they found each other again on Friendster years after, he still couldn't get himself to talk to her straight (even in Friendster). Yes, she would have been soooo over him by now but why didn't he have the decency to talk it out so there could really be closure. Sorry.

Then he wrote Gigi. This one involved some tracking down because she's not part of his Friendster friends, just in his extended network. Gigi was beautiful and all the guys in their org literally bowed to him when they found out he snagged the most desired lady. She was beautiful, had an easy laugh, and cooks really, really well. Trophy wife material. But it was during this time that he came to terms with the fact that a wife would never make him happy. He was, uhm, looking for something else.

But again, instead of talking it out with her, he chose to run away. Duwag! He did the typical asshole guy tactic of being such a shitty boyfriend that she had no choice but to break up with him. And when she started demanding for that post-break-up conversation, he ran away again. Well, it worse than running away, he just refused to talk to her (even on the phone). He said he was getting tired of all the talk, said it's better that they just cut ties totally. And that's how it's been since. She's now married and living in UK, if you need anymore sign of her being sooo over him. So why is it that seven years after, he finds himself compelled to type out an apology? Now, that's karma for you.

Ah, things become really interesting with his next email. His first boyfriend, Ellery. Despite the really, really bad breakup, they remained Friendster friends. Must be the fact that they are each other's first boyfriend. He was a long-time friend and though their common friends predicted he'd screw it up because he became such a promiscuous whore the minute he came out. But it was meek, romantic Ellery who was having second thoughts about the relationship so he broke up with him at Jollibee Philcoa.

By now everyone is thinking "it's all Ellery's fault." But he's still typing this apology because he needs to recognize his mistakes, as well. How he got so overwhelmed with his very first relationship. Thinking it was forever (don't we all with our first?), he must have put unnecessary pressure on the other guy who was only taking it one day at a time. So when he couldn't take the demands anymore, he started flirting with another guy before ultimately calling it off. He's also sorry for mauling him at Greenbelt and he'd like to assure him that he would be more civilized if and when they meet.

Then the apology to Wally. He thought about writing him a long YM message because that's how they corresponded a few months back but he thought the Friendster message would be more long-lasting, a sincere apology he could read and re-read. With this second boyfriend, he apologizes for entering into a relationship a totally fucked up guy. Having rebuffed by a guy he felt so sure wouldn't leave him, he was just so happy to be with someone who says loves him, thinking it would be enough. But it wasn't. He couldn't give enough of himself for fear of going all out once again and then losing everything in the end. He didn't give him all the love he deserves. Sorry.

And then Toni. The most recent ex. This was actually tougher than he thought, considering he really has a lot to say sorry for. Sorry for saying all the things he said. Sorry for doubting his sincerity. Sorry for driving him away. Sorry that finally God has given him everything he's prayed for but he blew it.

He though about those times when people drove him away, too. How, in his private little corner he would lick his wounds and fantasize about that cruel person regreting everything afterwards.
And now that he's that cruel person. He's regretting it big time. When they were just talking about the "cool off," Toni said "'Wag na lang. Nairita ka lang kanina, eh." Inside his head, he did wanted to take it back. But he chose not to take it back.

And the moment, no, the second he went out that door, he had the urge wanted to run after him and stop him from leaving. But he didn't budge. He thought he was doing the right thing. Sobbing, he turned on to Channel 33 where the building's lobby could be viewed. He saw get out of the elevator and walk out the door. Still, he didn't try to stop him.
Realizing his mistake, he called and asked him back the next day. It was too late. Sorry.

***
Send. Send. Send. Send. Send.

Remembering those times when he was mulling over the lack of love in his adult life and he and his drinking buddies would say that the person who would accept his love would be so lucky! All these years of people refusing it got them all bottled up, ready to spill over.

Instead it remained bottled up by doubt, insecurity, fear, greed, selfishness... Even to those five people who would have gladly accepted it.

It's 4:30am pero hindi ko pa rin makalimutan ang aking wild, bad dream that happened about two hours ago.

Brownout kasi sa'min so buti na lang nagyayang uminom si Adrian. At least madali-daling makatulog. Hindi naman ganu'n ka-init ngayon although mahirap pa rin dahil wala na ngang aircon, wala pang bentilador. Tapos ugali ko pang matulog nang nakataklob ng kumot.

Anyway, dahil hindi ko magawa ang aking naptime habit na magbasa, sinaksak ko na lang ang earphones sa cellphone at nagpahele sa "Dream Sounds" ng Wave 89.1. Du'n ako nakatulog nang konti.

Then I woke up. May music pa rin akong naririnig. I was on my right side, bale kaharap ko ang cabinet, at nasa likod ko naman ang bukas na bintana. Then naramdaman kong lumubog nang konti 'yung kudjon ng kama sa may likuran ko (Shit kinikilabutan ako just typing it right now). Siyempre natakot na'ko kasi may presence talaga ng kung ano na nasa likuran ko, katabi ko lang. I tried running for the door screaming but I couldn't move a muscle, nor could I make a sound. Nagpa-panic na talaga ako kasi sinusubkan ko talagang kumilos at gumawa ng kahit na anong ingay pero walang nangyayari. Du'n ko naiisip na hindi ako gising. Binabangungot ako, and if I don't wake myself up I might die.

So sabi ko kelangan ko muna mag-relax to will myself to wake up. I calmed down for a few seconds then tried getting up. Still I was paralyzed - my face pressed hard against my pillow, my arms crooked over my chest. Then I felt the being, whatever it is, hover on top of me. I know he was just mocking my helplessness because he wasn't putting his whole weight on me. I just know na it's hovering over me and I could sense the outline of his face against the part of the kumot that's covering my face. Kinalimutan ko na'ng relax-relax! Ito na'yung sinasabi nilang incubus. Putsa! Mamamatay na'ko! Then I tried communicating with the demon with my thoughts (figured if he can render me immobile he could very well read my mind). Sabi ko through, "Putang ina mo! Hindi ako natatakot sa'yo! Putang ina mo!" Minura ko lang siya nang minura. Tapos almost as sudden as he appeared, naramdaman kong wala na siya.

Unti-unti nang nag-relax 'yung buong katawan ko. I laid there for a few more seconds before finally attempting to move my finger. Nagalaw ko naman. Nakahinga nak'o nang malalim. Gising na'ko! But I also realized that throughout that nightmare, never na natigil 'yung music na napapakinggan ko sa radyo.

I'm thinking I was semi-conscious when I had that bad dream so aware pa rin ako sa radio. Has anybody ever experienced something like this, too? Kuwento naman, o.

***

Kwento ng Friendster kong si Andrew:

Ako! Ilang beses na din nangyari sa akin 'to, ang sama talaga ng pakiramdam na sobrang lakas na ng effort na binibigay mo para makakilos at para makapagsalita, hindi ka naman makagalaw.
Here goes:

Isang gabi sa aming probinsiya sa Mindanao - Sultan Kudarat, nagbibike ako papunta sa compound ng kuya ko. Yung compound ng bahay namin ay mga 2 compounds away from his. Ang kalye namin, walang ilaw, probinsiyang probinsiya pa talaga - di pa nga sementado yung daan. So nagbibike ako dun na kabisado ko lang talaga yung daan, lahat ng lubak at malalaking mga bato.

Then, yung compound before my brother's, may nakita ako sa peripheral vision ko to my right na nakaputi - so, unang pumasok sa isip ko, "nakaputi, so... white lady? multo? agh! puta! walang ganun." so, hinarap ko talaga, pag harap ng mukha ko sa kanan ko habang umaandar. aba! solid!! putang ina, white being nga! nakaputi na mahabang damit, mahabang buhok, di mo kita mukha, tapos meron siyang suot na parang sash, basta yung sinusuot ng mga pari - kulay brown. nanlamig ako. kumaripas ako sa pagsikad ng bike, pasok agad sa compound ng kuya ko, binagsak yung bike ko sa may pinto, takbo, sumbong agad sa kuya ko. grabeng hingal ko nun, pero pinagtawanan lang ako ng kuya ko. sabi niya magnanakaw lang daw yun, baka daw modus operandi. sabi ko hindi! nakita ko talaga! nakalutang.tapos yung kuya kong maton, kinuha yung baril niya, sabi "tara, puntahan natin." okay, lakad naman kami, sa likod niya ako siyempre, haha. pagpunta namin, as expected, wala.
mga 9pm yun.

10pm na, aba, kailangan kong umuwi, so, no other way but back to where i passed by. siyempre, paglabas ko ng gate ng kuya ko, karipas, wala nang tingin tingin. luckily, pagdating ko sa may gate namin, nakatayo yung tita ko at isang kaibigan ko sa harapan. binagsak ko agad yung bike ko at humarap kung saan ko nakita yung white lady/priest. to my surprise, nandun ulit siya! putang ina! solid, nakikita ko na naman, pero siyempre, di na ako masyado natatakot nun kasi may kasama ako. tinuro ko sa tita ko at sa kaibigan ko. sabi ng tita ko, wala naman daw siyang nakikita. pero sabi ng kasama ko, oo nga! ayun oh! pareho naming nakikita, lumulutang palayo.
whew.

so, umuwi na ako sa manila kasi pasukan na. isang gabi, sa aking kuwarto, naka-bentilador lang ako nun, nakahiga ako sa kama ko. bukas yung ilaw, bukas yung tv. humiga na ako para matulog. at nakaidlip na nga ako. after a while, nagising ako. at nagising ako siyempre, sa loob ng kuwarto ko, umaandar yung bentilador at yung tv. pero! di ako makagalaw. not an inch! di rin ako makasigaw! at, bumibigat na ng bumibigat ang pakiramdam ko. sinabi ko na sa sarili ko: "potra, this is not good." bangungot na nga. so palag! palag! palag! ayaw.

suddenly, narinig ko yung key ng bentilador ko na namatay, diba it makes a "clack" pag pinipindot. nakagalaw ako nung narinig ko yun, napatingin ako sa kaliwa ko kung nasaan yung bentilador.

guess what?
namatay nga yung bentilador ko.at may taong nakapindot.
guess who?
taong nakaputi na may brown na lace sa leeg na parang pang pari.
PU TANG INAH!!!

nakatayo ako bigla, takbo palabas ng kuwarto, takbo sa baba ng bahay, sa may altar at hinabol ang hininga ko! inalimpungatan ako! putang ina, from mindanao to manila, nasundan ako. nahiya akong kumatok sa kuwarto ng kuya ko kasi tangina, nakakahiya, baka matawa lang siya.
nung natauhan na ako na kailangan ko ding bumalik sa kuwarto para matulog ulit, dahan dahan akong bumalik sa kuwarto ko. scary thing is, nakapatay nga ang bentilador ko. so, di ko alam kung pano talaga nangyari yun.
tangina. bullshit ang bangungot!

yan rey.
haha, taas balahibo din ako habang nagttype.

"When did you realize that you've got talent?" 'Yan ang text-in question sa isang radio station the other night. At du'n ko muling na-realize that more than the moment that gives you that realization, I've got tons of times when I feel that I'm really, really lucky. Blessed, if you may say.

Sabi nga ni Gloria Diaz, the reason why she won Miss Universe was because she was the luckiest there. She wouldn't say that she's the prettiest or the shapeliest or the smartest even, at that pageant in 1969, but she was indeed the luckiest.

Tanong naman ni Boy Abunda rati (sa Startalk pa'to nu'n, ine-establish pa lang niya ang sarili niya as one of Philippine television's best interviewers): "They say luck is the residue of design. In your success, how much is luck, how much is design?"

I've got a couple of bronze medals in triathlon and everytime I look at them, I'm reminded not of my physical prowess but of how lucky I am. You see those few times that I won them, the strongest players in my age-group did not compete. So all I had to do was train sufficiently enough to finish the race. So ayun, nagkamedalya.

Sa trabaho ganu'n din naman ako. Ang dami kong nakikita d'yan na napakagaling pero ewan, agad tinotopak tapos basta na lang aalis. O mga tao na kung saan-saan muna napapadpad bago finally magse-settle sa GMA. Buti ako ilang buwan lang talagang naghanap ng work after graduation tapos napunta agad sa GMA at ngayon, seven years after, andito pa rin.

Ang problema ko nga lang, kapag minsan nakakakuha ako ng lukcy break, hindi ko mapagkatiwalaan. Ang laki-laki ng self-doubt ko. Like ang tagal bago akong naging comfortable na tawagin ko ang sarili ko na writer. Feeling ko kasi napakadaling dumapo sa'kin tapos writer na agad ako? Ganu'n din sa pagiging atleta. Parang sino ako? Ngek! Kung athlete ako bakit 'di mawala-wala ang bilbil ko?

Nu'ng isang araw I was invited by this guy to watch him perform sa CCP. He is apparently one of the best baritones in the country at binigyan niya ako ng complimentary tickets. Formal daw. Nataranta naman ako kasi wala naman akong pang-formal so agad akong nag-shopping with the help of Haydee and Chino ng bagong slacks, jacket, belt at shoes. Nagpaganda at lumarga papuntang CCP. Tapos kung kelang malapit na'ko ng CCP saka ako biglang magdududa na, "Totoo bang may show sa CCP?" Nag-text ako sa kaibigan kong madalas du'n, at rumaraket ding usher du'n. Hindi nagre-reply. Tinawagan ko. Deadma siya. Tinext ko ngayon 'yung guy. Hindi rin sumasagot. Tapos bigla akong nagka-mental image ng isang baklang nagpakahirap pumunta ng CCP na pagkalayu-layo, suot ang mga bagong-biling damit tapos wala namang show - umasa lang na meron ngang isang guy na magbibigay sa'kin ng Orchestra tickets sa CCP Main Theater para panoorin siyang mag-perform sa isang Filipino Opera.

Meron ngang tickets (not one, but three! so sa'kin ang tatlong upuan, wala akong katabi) at meron ngang baritone. Pero hindi ko siya masyado type so wala ring nangyari. But it was a great experience nonetheless. First time kong nanood sa CCP Main, for one.

For someone so lucky, so blessed, napakatindi pa rin ng insecurity ko na I literally cannot believe my luck. Kapag may magandang dumarating, hindi ko siya maikuwento agad kasi iniisip ko babawiin siya o niloloko lang ako. Niloloko lang ako. 'Yan ang pinaka-fear ko, so minsan ako na lang minsan ang bumibitaw, tapos iko-convince ko na tama ang desisyon ko kasi hindi naman totoo 'yun, eh: "Pinapaniwala lang ako. Pinapaasa lang ako. Tapos kung kelang hindi ka na makawala, saka lang sasabog ang lahat. So ngayon, wala na siya kasi hindi naman siya totoo, eh. Sabi nga if it's too good to be true it probably is."

Hindi siya totoo. Hindi siya totoo. Lucky me.

Gine-guest namin si Angelika Jones sa Showbiz Central. Kino-coordinate ng researcher namin sa mommy ni Angelika. Nag-text ang mommy, "Hi, Lester! Please call to my line-line."

***
May pinapa-announce on air si Annabelle Rama. Fina-follow-up niya: "Bakit wala pa rin akong flugging?"

Ang pinapa-reply: "Fakisavi..."
Mamaya nag-text ulit si Tita Annabelle: "O, bakit wala pa rin akong flagging." At least nagi-improve.

Sa mga bibihirang pagkakataon na nagluluto ako, parang policy ko na na 'wag maglagay ng asin o anumang pampaalat at ng sili o anumang pampa-anghang. Masyado kasing maalat at maanghang ang preference ko so I leave sa mga taong kakain ng luto ko na magtimpla.
Karamihan ng mga kaibigan ko o katrabaho ko na nakakasalo ko sa kainan alam nang mahilig ako sa maanghang. Hindi nila ako nakaka-share sa sawsawan kasi nilalagyan ko talaga ng durug na durog na siling labuyo. Minsan nga anghang na anghang na sila sa isang putahe pero ako wala pa rin talagang nalalasahang anghang.

Pero hindi laging ganito kamanhid ang dila ko. Ang anghang ay isang acquired taste. You see, my father's Bicolano (Yes, kahit na Tagalog na Tagalog ang apelyido naming Agapay) kaya lumaki akong laging may siling labuyo sa ref namin. Growing up wala sa'ming kumakain nu'n, dad ko lang talaga. Until nu'ng mga high school na'ko, sinubukan ko. Nasarapan naman ako. Hanggang sa lahat na kaming magkakapatid laging may siling labuyo ang sawsawan sa inihaw, sa tinola, sa nilaga, sa bistek, sa adobo.

Pero this is not to say na kaya ko nang kainin ang lahat ng maaanghang. Siguro ang threshold ko lang ay para sa isang normal Indian or Thai na lumaki talagang kumakain ng maaanghang, as compared to the typical Pinoy palette na mahilig sa maalat at matamis.

Nu'ng college naalala ko kumain kami sa SR Thai. Chili beef yata 'yung inorder ko. Paglapag ng plato dinakot ko ang string beans na garnishing at kinain ko. Sabi ni Jacqui Franquelli (na Italian naman ang roots ng ama), "Kumakain ka niyan?" Sabi ko, "Oo, 'di ka kumakain ng gulay?" Napatingin ako sa mga waitress na parang biglang nagkumpul-kumpol sa may counter at lahat gulat na nakatitig sa'kin. Hindi pala sitaw 'yung kinagat ko, kundi sili! Hindi pa'ko nakaksigaw, dali-dali na silang nagdala ng isang pitsel ng tubig! Naubos ko ang laman!
Pero water is not the best way to remove the burning sensation of spicy foods. Oil-based kasi karamihan ng anghang so nagsa-slide over lang du'n ang water. Best if you eat plain rice or bread and let it slide over your tongue para mawala 'yung anghang. Puwede ka rin daw uminom ng gatas though hindi ko pa 'to nata-try. Madalas kasi sa mga anghang emergency situations ko ay wala na'kong tiyagang magtimpla pa ng gatas!

Sa bundok, lalo't malamig, masarap ang maaanghang na pagkain. Sa huling akyat ko sa Mt. Pulag (the coldest point of the Philippines), naghanda ng Bicol Express itong si Dennis. Siyempre confident akong kumain. Eh, OA naman pala ang pampaanghang na nilagay! Feeling ko talaga nasusunog ako, at hindi dahil patung-patong ang suot kong jacket, ha! Agad akong tumakbo papasok ng tent at du'n ko na lang inilabas ang hapdi at sarap nu'ng anghang. Isang subo pa lang 'yun, ha, pero busog na'ko.

Well, sabi nga nila, maganda nga raw sa pag-control ng appetite ang maanghang kasi you tend to feel full faster.

One time naman sumama ako sa isang overnight rock climbing expedition sa Montalban. Hindi pa member ng Philippine Everest Team nu'n si Choy. Basta sa "base" namin na carinderia ni Manang, merong isang lumang bote ng isang kung anong foreign brand ng hot sauce na nakalagay pa, "World's 3rd Hottest Hot Sauce." Nu'ng gabi, hinalo ko siya sa ginagawa kong sawsawan na may sibuyas at kamatis pa. Binalaan agad ako ni manang, "Naku! Maanghang 'yan!" "OK lang po. Mahilig po ako sa maanghang." Putsa! I'm not exaggerating pero hindi pa yata tumatama sa dila ko 'yung sauce, as in nalapit ko pa lang 'yung kutsara, inatake na'ko ng kung anong anghang pain! Ibang klase! Parang kemikal! Hindi ko nakain 'yung sawsawan ko. Bilib na bilib ako kay Choy kasi siya ang nakaubos kinabukasan. Sarap na sarap pa siya sa hot sauce na may warning label pa, heto hindi rin ito biro, na "Keep out of reach of children and pets." Grabe! Parang kemikal! Hindi ko na lang ma-imagine kung gaano kaanghang 'yung 2nd Hottest Hot Sauce in the World.

Pero isa pang naging magandang resulta ng pagkain ko ng hottest hot sauce na'yun, naging hot ako!

Tuwang-tuwa si Norman sa segment title sa Rated K ni Korina. Naalala ko tuloy ang kuwento ng isang ka-volleyball ko dati na naging producer naman ng Balitang K (cue in sound effects: Jug! Jug!)

Napapamura raw si Korina kapag binabasa sa prompter ang mga scripts ng segments niya...
KORINA: "Sila ang mga tatay na may kakaibang trabaho. Tulad na lang ng isang 'to na isang make-up artist...Panoorin natin 'to jug! jug! NAGFUFUNDA SI PAPA!" Cut. "Putang ina! Kaninong title 'to?!"

Meron pa raw ang segment tungkol sa isang straight guy na nagde-desing ng lingerie...
KORINA: "BRA! GAWA NI BRO!" Napamura na naman daw ulit si Korina.

***
Actually, isang napakasayang part ng pagiging writer ay ang pag-iisip ng mga titles dahil sa isang title na ma-approve at mapapanood ninyo, may isandaan na katarantaduhan na lumalabas na utak ng creative team. Feeling ko nga d'yan lang ako nakakabangka, kapag puro katarantaduhan munang titles. Pero kapag seryoso na, wala na'kong maisip. There must be something wrong with me.

Isang naalala kong magandang naisip na title ng EP ko nu'n sa Sis para sa isang beauty pageant for domestic helpers: "MUCHAHA NG PILIPINAS." Perfect 'di ba? Pero offensive daw 'yung muchacha na word. Hay!

At least na-approve 'yung segment title ko nu'n for SFiles para sa isang live remote feed kung saan itu-tour natin ang mga bahay ng artista sa..."LABAASSSS!"

Meron pa kaming segment ngayon sa Showbiz Central about paranormal encounters ng mga artista. Isang linggo, dalawa ang stories namin. Sinuggest kong gawing umbrella title ang "MULTWO!" Rejected! Bwahahaha!

Crucial talaga ang title. Just last week nagkaproblema yata nang mag-react ang kampo ng isang Kapuso aktor dahil tinawag na "King of Primetime Television" ang isa pang Kapuso aktor. Dalawa rin sa mga young divas ng SOP ang naglalabanan sa title na "The New Concert Queen" kaya hindi na lang namin ginagamit tutal matagal-tagal na rin since nakapag-concert ang dalawa. Buti na rin at sa latest press release ni Pops Fernandez para sa kanyang bagong album ("The Reigning Concert Queen" pa rin siya). Aba! After all these years, 25 years to be exact, and 14 albums, can you name a Pops Fernandez hit song?

At least si Cacai may Forever Blue at Still As a Photograph, Rannie Raymundo Why Can't It Be, Toni Daya Salawahan, at si Alyonna with Sama-Sama (Ready! Sing!) Sama-sama saying goodbye/All the tears of hurt that we've cried...

So mag-contest tayo ngayon. Ano ang pinakamagandang title para sa blog entry na ito?

Akala kasi ni Juliet na galit sa kanya si Mark, ang best friend ng mister niyang si Peter. Eversince kasi naging sila ni Peter ay cold na ang trato sa kanya nito. Ito ang simula ng plot nila sa Love Actually.

After the wedding, kinailangan ni Julia ng iba pang footage ng kanilang kasal so napilitan siyang tawagan si Mark dahil alam niyang kumuha rin ito ng video nu'n. Ayaw pang ipakita ni Mark nu'ng umpisa ang video, kesyo nawala raw or something. Pero sa paghahalughog ni Juliet, she chanced upon the tape at agad niya itong sinaksak sa VHS.

Nagulat siya na puro close-ups niya ang kinunan ni Mark. Buko na si Mark. Nagtataka si Juliet, "But you hated me."

Du'n binitiwan ni Mark ang dialogue that would forever haunt me, "It was a self-preservation thing actually."

***
Naalala ko tuloy nu'ng pinamanahan ako ng mommy ko ng antigong eskaparate. Bata pa lang ako nakikita ko na'to at andu'n ang mga old books na ang gaganda, at ilang mga lumang litrato ng mga taong hindi ko na kilala. 'Yung mga textbooks na andu'n, ginamit pa ng mommy ko nu'ng nag-aaral siya. Hardbound, si Camilo Osias ang nag-edit at si Fernando Amorsolo ang illustrator. Ang galeng!

Nu'ng trinansfer ko siya sa bahay ko, anim na lalake ang kailangang magbuhat. Pero hindi ko nakayang ma-display siya nang basta-basta. Binalot ko siya plastic cover all over. Nagtaka ang mommy. Alam kasi niya nu'ng bata ako natatakot ako sa antigong eskaparate na'to na nasa isang madilim na sulok ng sala namin. Feeling niya tinatakpan ko lang at 'di naa-appreciate ang regalo niya sa'kin.

Sabi niya, "You hate it?!" Sabi ko, "It's a shelf-preservation thing actually."